Today an old fear returned and grabbed me firmly.  It was the greatest fear I have known in my life.  And it came back with full force. 

I have written a couple of times on this site about the time several years ago, when Conor was much younger, and he left the house unnoticed while he was in my sole  care.  When I realized he was missing I ran around the house, down to the Saint John River which was close to our home, across a nearby busy parking lot and then back home before calling 911. The 911 operator told me he had been taken into a nearby convenience store by a good Frederictonian who had stopped his vehicle to remove Conor from traffic to safety.  The man left as soon as I arrived and identified myself and he new Conor was safe. He left without waiting to be thanked. 

Today, years later, I was again the adult in charge and I was again distracted by a business call.  When the call was ended and I looked for Conor I realized he had again left unnoticed.  I ran outdoors around our house calling his name without spotting him,  then ran back upstairs to speak with his brother who had been busy in his room and hadn't heard him go out. When I ran down the stairs Conor stepped into the house and I was again relieved.  I believe he had just been in the back yard starting to leave via a shortcut to one or our regular walking paths and heard me calling for him. 

Conor is no longer a small child physically but he has serious cognitive challenges and severe autism disorder. When we go on our almost daily walks I will often let him walk ahead of me, within eyesight, to let him make the decisions about the direction to go to find our way home.  I have done so in the hope that if he does leave unnoticed he will know his way back which I believe he does. For that reason I  was not as fearful, or not quite as fearful, when  I couldn't find him quickly today.  I admit it though.  I was scared again.  And thankful when Conor returned to the house. Very thankful.

The Vancouver Sun is one of the very few media outlets that has presented an honest, reality based picture of autism disorders  to the public.  The series Faces of Autism remains one of the most comprehensive, honest portrayals of autism ever presented by mainstream media.  It comes as no surprise then that the Vancouver Sun has highlighted the important autism issue of wandering autistic children for exactly what it is ... a life and death issue.

In Search for missing boy highlights autism issue Autistic children are prone to wandering, forcing parents to take drastic measures to protect them the Vancouver Sun presents a Mike Appleyard/Postmedia News report on Adam Benhamma, the young, mute, autistic boy from the Laval area near Montreal who has been missing for several days near icy waters. The article tells of the tendency of autistic children to wander, of the efforts parents must make to protect their autistic children from wandering and the impact it has on them, and reports on the IAN, Interactive Autism Network,  announcement of a national survey to study the prevalence of wandering among individuals with autism.

Veronica Fraser, mother of James DeLorey,  the young autistic boy from Nova Scotia who was lost in a snow storm and died in hospital shortly after being found provides insight from her son's tragedy. Wendy Fournier of the National Autism Association comments on the IAN study and on her own personal experience with her wandering autistic child:

"Fournier said she hopes this study will help parents understand why autistic children wander.


"We have parents who literally sleep outside their child's door because they're afraid their kids are going to get out of the house. It's a huge, terrifying problem," she said.


Fournier noted that her daughter Aly is autistic, and said she has experienced the fear of losing her child -something that is common among parents of autistic children.


"One day I was sitting on the couch, drinking coffee. All of our doors are completely locked -there's no way she can get out of the house. And my doorbell rings. It's my neighbour telling me that my daughter is next door trying to get into the swimming pool. And I have no idea that she was even out of the house.""

I have remarked on several occasions on this blog site about my personal experience with wandering, of the day when my son Conor slipped out of the house while I was on the phone discussing a business matter.  Thanks to good luck, a Good Samaritan who removed Conor from traffic on a busy street and him to a safe location, and our local 911 service Conor, and I, were very fortunate, we came out on the happy side of  the life and death reality of wandering autistic children.

Adam Benhamma and his family are living with that life and death reality right now.

I hope that Adam, despite the grim situation, is found safe and sound.