AUTISM CHILD BEHAVIOR

The down side of Autism

There are moments in my days where I look at what Autism has done and I want to scream and be mad at God for allowing this condition to exist. These are few and far between (thankfully) since God gives us the ability to see the positive side of things, but still there are those moments. For example:
- When a parent must explain something, even a simple direction, several times before the child understands. And even then, they may "disobey" since they are so focused on something else. The parent must somehow muster the patience to not punish the child unnecessarly but also teach them to follow directions.
- When the child is oblivious to what others think of them, including peers. This is both a negative and a positive in some ways but it still breaks my heart to see them not "fitting in" with others. They don't get invited to many birthday parties and seldom get invites to playdates but they still show unrecipricated excitment whenever they see the "friend" they desire to be closer to. The other children simply don't understand how they think or see their lack of social understanding and so may shun them due to discomfort or embarassment. Thankfully my children haven't noticed this happening yet but it is, unfortunately, a regular occurance.
- When a negative behaviour wasn't dealt with properly, the first time, so the child continues it repeatedly despite the parent's effort to discipline them or "unlearn" the behaviour. This is especially true with Avery in our home. He may hear the occassional "bad" word or phrase (at home or in other surroundings) and now that he has learned it, it is very difficult to have him not use it. He simply has it wired in his brain now and doesnt even realize it is negative (since he is not intune with his effects on others) so we continue to try everything we can to weed it out. Another example of this is coloring on the walls or ripping papers. It is hard for him to understand that he isn't supposed to do these things and even a negative reaction is considered attention and therefore reinforces it.
- The lack of emotional control. This is typical in all children as they learn more about themselves but add that to the effect of Autism and it is very draining on everybody involved. With lack of social understanding the child may either hide away from social interactions (Avery) or get overly excited about it (Colin) and without knowing how to deal with these fears or excitement the resulting behaviour can be "over - the - top"  or "inappropriate" in the eyes of others. For example, Avery used to curl into a ball or hide under a table when there were other people around. He even often resorted to injuring himself by banging his head on any smooth surface.  Now he is prone to negative or destructive behaviours with new surroundings as he over reacts to his environment and tries to destroy it instead of hide from it. This includes ripping pictures off of walls, breaking furniture and scratching surfaces.
Colin, on the other hand, gets indredibly hyper in new surroundings or with new people. (a big difference between Aspergers and ADHD is the predictability of this hyper activity). He jumps, runs, laughs, shakes, dances and pushes physical comfort zones almost every time somebody comes to visit or we go out. Sounds fun? Not when its all at once and often ontop of the guests. He is viewed as trying to gain attention (which is definately part of it) but its also because he doesn't know how to be around people so he is over compensating for his lack of understanding.
The only times Colin and Avery don't react this way is when we take the time to explain what will happen, step by step, and have them involved in the preparation (set the table, help siblings get dressed, etc) then they seem to calm down and understand what is expected of them because there was a form of structure.

THE UPSIDE OF AUTISM (I put that in caps so that it would catch your eye if you were getting tired of the negativity above).

Yes there are hard times and yes there are times I want to cry out or wave a magic wand and make Autism disappear BUT there are experiences that I would never want to disappear. For example:
- You never (EVER) take a small step for granted. The new word or new action is celebrated at every opportunity and the mastery of skills is worthy of a party. This is true with every child in the house. The children on the spectrum are celebrated due to the extra effort it takes them and no words describe the first time you see the light in their eyes at the realization that they did it ! The neurotypical (I hate the word "Normal") children are celebrated because everything they do is that much more noticed in contrast to the how difficult it is for the Spectrum children. Something as simple as a shake of a head in response to a question deserves a high five and when a child brings you something to show you we show sincere excitement. Your life literally changes every moment and just when you think you can't go on, the children learn to do something, after months of struggling and your day shines brighter!
- The way a Spectrum child can teach you more about yourself and God . You learn you are stronger then you thought, more patient then you thought humanly possible and you learn to appreciate the smallest wonders that others may just walk by. You learn not to care what other people think and you learn to lean on God for your strength because HE is the only one that completely understands the struggles of your children and your feelings of helplessness. Its when you hold your child up to Him that you truly are able to help them because He guides you every step of the way and opens doors you thought were closed.
- The concreteness and structure that is automatically added to your life. All children need some form of structure but the Spectrum child depends on it. This can feel constraining at first and what may be viewed as mere predictability and boring scheduling can turn out to be freeing and comfortable. With everything planned ahead (prone to change as life isn't predictable, especially in our home) you feel like you can relax and enjoy each day for what it is and roll with the punches. You deal with today, not yesterday because its gone forever (with a big "X" on the calendar) and not tomorrow because you havent had time to look that far ahead. You enjoy today, live every moment and cherish every second that will never come again.
_
Below is a song I found that speaks, perfectly, to our daily struggles. I have had this song in my head since the first day I heard it and have played is several times since. Its beautiful!