in Him I put my trust

I wrote this yesterday and I feel it sums up the emotional battle we autism parents go through.
I didn't even notice it rhymed until it was fully written so I can't really take credit for the words as I feel like they just flowed from me .
I wasn't going to share this outside of my closest circle of friends but I really felt led to be transparent and share it. Somebody out there is likely feeling the same turmoil so perhaps this will help you.
Autism is tough but there are hidden blessings if we turn to the ultimate source for comfort, peace and strength.

Blessings ;

The house in disarray
My priorities a mess.
Everytime I look before me
I somehow miss how I am blessed.

My thoughts are filled with lies
My heart is brimming with pain.
With  4 little people relying ,
I reach for my strength again.

Where are you God when I feel alone?
Where is that peace you promised me?
Why won't you heal the autism in our home?
Don't we deserve to be set free?

I trust the plan you have  for us,
I know the answers before I seek,
But some days I want to beg you
To change them all ... I'm just too weak!

I hold him close as he screams at me
I  whisper  him your precious word.
He quiets long enough to listen
To the part about the sword.

I sing through my tears as they blend with his
His sobs banging into my chest.
I reach out to you again my Lord
Because I know only you can bring us rest.

Today is a new day, filled with your promises
Today I can be renewed .
I know I can still sing your praises
Even when the smiles are few.

You walk with me and you leadeth me
Or so the  story goes.
So be with me today, my Lord
As my heart already knows.

I can not do this in my  strength ,
My ideas have all run out.
Your love is like a flowing river
When my soul is close to drought

Bring about a new song
And a new desire in my heart
For if I keep on the way I'm heading
I'm sure to fall apart.

I yearn so much to just let go,
Carry me , drag me if you must
I feel you gently stroking my neck
So in you I put my trust. 

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